Confession: I hate being a stay-at-home-mom.

Like, mega. 

I love my kid. I love my husband. I do not love staying home all day. 

I need independence. I need my own shit going on. Shit that has no relation to my marriage or my child. Shit that I take full credit for. I need to go somewhere other than my home during the day. I need interaction with other humans, humans that aren't connected via LC or B. I need a little bit of distance. 

I hate doing dishes. I hate doing laundry. I hate vacuuming. I loath cleaning up. 

"We all have to do it," you say. "If you didn't want it, you shouldn't have gotten married, had a kid, settled down. " 

Why is marriage and motherhood still viewed the same as it was in the fricking 50s? Why is everyone's image of a "good" mother an image straight out of an old school Coca Cola ad? Hair did, makeup did, heals on, apron tied, smile held up by a drink that contained cocaine. We are living in 2014, and people still think women are happiest when their entire lives are nothing but their children. 

I am not happy. I do not have the mental makeup to do this everyday for the rest of my life. I will not be shamed for my need of separation. I am not a bad mother. My worth as a woman, mother, wife is not determined by he amount of clean fucking dishes in my cupboard or crumbs on my floor.  

I do not believe other women to be stronger than I am simply because they are happy staying at home. I do not believe them weaker, either. 

I simply want to be out there in the world, instead of stuck at home. 

So, if you visit my home, and notice laundry left unfolded, dishes left unwashed, floor unvancuumed, walls a work of toddler art, and me unwashed and uncaring, keep your mouth shut. This is not the end for me; this is only temporary. I do not give a shit if you think bad of me. 

xoxo, Scoot

I married Tom Hardy.

JK, but only kinda.

My husband and his coworkers ran the Tough Mudder last weekend. Tough Mudder is this insane obstacle course where you do things like carry a huge log across a field, jump into a giant hole of ice water, and slide down a tube into mud like you're being birthed. It's a really awesome set up, and the money goes directly into building more mud traps for you to go through next year and the rest goes to organizations such as Wounded Warrior Project. They set up all over the country, so no matter where you live, you can pay money to get covered in mud and pushed to your limits. It's great. 

My husband and our friends, being as amazing as they are, decided, "Let's run it as Tom Hardy Characters!" Hell yes! He's the one on the left above dressed as none other than Forrest Bondurant, one of my personal favorite Hardy rolls. (I mean, come on, "I thought I walked." Forrest, you big goof, get in my pants.) Next to him is our daughter's Uncle J, dressed as Bane. He pulled that shit off like none other. Look at them crazy eyes! Someone get him some venom!

We also had Handsome Bob who is my favorite Hardy role. I squealed when dude said he would dress up as Handsome Bob because he is a tiny, pale gay man with a shaved head on a normal day and it is just perfect. Also, he's one of my favorite people and he doesn't get weirded out when I tell him I love him like most men do. (I like for people to know I love them, okay. It's a thing.) We were supposed to have a Bronson but asshole chickened out because, "I have a widow's peak, Scoot! If I shave it, it won't grow back!" Pansy.

It was a pretty rad day, all in all, and I'm mega proud of my dudes. 

I would like to end this blog post with a rather loud statement: NEXT YEAR I WILL BE RUNNING TOUGH MUDDER. I WILL GET IN SHAPE FOR IT AND TRAIN BECAUSE I HAVE TINY BABY ARMS AND COULDN'T DO THE MONKEY BARS. I WILL BE BADASS. 

Have some pictures of my dudes.

xoxo, Scoot

(P.S. Here's a link to Tough Mudder. Run it next year, yah pansies! Or support the cause by buying some sahweet gear!)

Yo, yo, yo

Whaddup, my name's Scoot and I've done this all before.

This time, though, I'm serious. Maybe. In my effort to create this blog, I searched all my favorite blogs for their first ever blog post and what I found was weird. Some of them just didn't exist. Some were terrible and boring. Some were hilarious from the beginning. 

This means one thing: just fracking start one. So, I did.

Let's start out by saying that I'm inconsistent and a crazy person, but you'll figure that out eventually. I like to read, complain, and talk about how things were better in my hometown even though my  hometown is a giant shithole. Sometimes, I work out. I have a small human attached to me all the time, literally. Okay, not literally. It just feels that way. I also have a dog who's an idiot and a husband who sometimes isn't. Other words that describe me include, but are not limited to: nerd, geek, loser, fangirl, tv enthusiast, writer, outdated word user (see: post title), and sunflower lover.

So, without further ado, welcome to my blog. Here's a picture of my family looking not crazy.

xoxo, Scoot