And, it's been a trip.
My family is effed up. Meaning I technically have a total of four parents and eleven grandparents. Yep. I didn't grow up with my father really. I met him after many years when I was eleven and by then he had a new wife, two toddlers, and one hell of a relationship with their church. When I say relationship, I mean a codependency, and when I say church, I mean cult. They were brainwashed.
A Pentecostal church's main message is that being baptized is not enough, one must also live your life for God in every way possible. This sounds very normal, very Christian, but it's the fine print you sign when entering this hall of mirrors in the fun house that is Christianity.
Fine print, and the preacher's wife, states that in order to get into heaven, one must live a modest Christian lifestyle which is defined by:
That's not even close to all of it. They also believe that wives should be subservient and the men run things. Yeah, I got out. I had to leave my sisters and my brother after he was born, though. After a while, my dad and stepmom got out, too, mostly. They still hold on to a lot of the things that that church in a tiny town in Tennessee taught them, including the hair and skirt things, and the subservient thing. I've always been terrified of what exactly my siblings have been taught and what is going to stick when they grow up, because some of that shit is seriously fucked up.
My youngest sister flew into DC to stay with us for a few weeks, and I learned a lot about the things that have stuck and the things that have been watered down by their access to society and the media. And, because I'm Scoot, I've made a list. I'll refer to my sister as AR. She's thirteen.
2. She couldn't give any shits about fashion.
Seriously, neither girl cares. AR doesn't mind her skirts or the fact that she can't wear tank tops. It does not matter to her. She thinks make up and jewelry are unnecessary. The only thing she wants to do is cut her hair and dye it.
3. Virginity actually matters a lot. To them, at least.
AR uses the word "slut" to describe other girls, a lot. I've talked to her about this, about how not everyone has the same set of values or puts as much stock into them as Mom and Dad have taught them to. I've told her that one day, those things may not matter to her anymore either, and she may start looking at those other girls with a new set of eyes. I can only hope, anyway.
4. Our little brother runs the house, and knows it.
He's ten, and has a penis. This means he gets special treatment from Mom because he's the baby, and special treatment from Dad because he possesses a dick. Dad is the head of the family and everything goes through him before it happens. He has a bad habit of telling Mom not to do things or correcting her in front of the kids, and that has put a potentially bad image into Little Bro's head. I hope he doesn't grow up thinking he owns the world simply because of the gender he was assigned at birth. And, if he does, I hope someone has the sense to put him in his place and stop him from doing something awful to some woman somewhere. If not, God help us all.
5. Napping is a vacation.
My parents are not just involved in the church, Dad's a pastor. This means running all over the place setting things up and preaching in different places. They are expected to be everywhere, having their hands in everything. That equals little downtime for anyone. We haven't changed up our normal routine for AR's trip, and that's how she wants it. She wants to nap, she wants to hang out, she wants to watch television. She's seen all the sights in DC, she just wants some quiet away from the other two kids and the church. I am one hundred percent down with that.
6. She can blend in anywhere.
They go to new places so often that this kid can literally slip right into any group of people like she belongs there. She walked into a house full of nerds when she got off the plane since it was Saturday, and Saturdays are DND days. It didn't bother her a bit; she called me a nerd and then sat down to watch Star Trek with us.
7. She can spot a fake or bad person from a mile away.
I'm for real. She just knows when someone's no good. I don't know if this comes from watching people lie their way through church or is just something she was born with, but she knows who's full of shit and who's legit.
A Pentecostal church's main message is that being baptized is not enough, one must also live your life for God in every way possible. This sounds very normal, very Christian, but it's the fine print you sign when entering this hall of mirrors in the fun house that is Christianity.
Fine print, and the preacher's wife, states that in order to get into heaven, one must live a modest Christian lifestyle which is defined by:
- Women never cutting their hair. Seriously, never.
- Women never wearing makeup, fingernail polish, or changing the way God made them.
- Women never wearing pants or shorts. A skirt that hits below the knee must be worn at all times, even during sports or swimming. Only your pajamas are exempt from this rule, but you better already have the children in bed. Can't have them seeing a normal part of the human body that everyone has, now can we?
- Women never baring their shoulders or cleavage. No tank tops, no wife beaters, no camisoles. Keep them naughty bits covered, ladies. Don't want to be tempting the menfolk.
- No jewelry save for a wedding band.
- Men are to be clean shaven and clean cut at all times.
- Men are to never wear shorts, unless they're in sports or swimming. Huh, how about that exception?
- Men are to never wear tank top, or be without a shirt.
- Striving to never be vain. This doesn't include turning your nose up at people who can't afford the newest Pentecostal designer's pencil skirts. What are they, animals?
- Being at every church event and never missing a service. God sees all, he'll know if you're not there.
- Bowing down to the wishes of the preacher and his wife. They are the voice of God, you know. Everything they say and do is sanctioned by the Heavenly Father.
- Giving loads of money to the church. The preacher needs a new office. The current one is too last year.
- Praying all the time, especially in front of people. The more ridiculous you look, the better. Wave your arms, run up and down the aisle, act like you're having a seizure, pick up a fucking pew and turn it over. GOD IS GOOD.
- Shouting "AMEN" and "PRAISE JESUS" when the preacher says something you agree with.
- Speak in tongues. If you've never seen someone do this, Google it.
- Talking about God and your church at every possible moment to everyone you meet. "Hey we're selling lunch plates. Just give four dollars to Christ and get one meat and two sides. And, hey, since you're already here go on in and join to prayer circle for a member of the church that no one knew the name of until today."
- You better not be anything other than the "normal" genders and sexuality.
- Thank Jesus for literally everything. "Oh, that poor squirrel almost got ran over. Thank you Jesus for keeping him safe."
That's not even close to all of it. They also believe that wives should be subservient and the men run things. Yeah, I got out. I had to leave my sisters and my brother after he was born, though. After a while, my dad and stepmom got out, too, mostly. They still hold on to a lot of the things that that church in a tiny town in Tennessee taught them, including the hair and skirt things, and the subservient thing. I've always been terrified of what exactly my siblings have been taught and what is going to stick when they grow up, because some of that shit is seriously fucked up.
My youngest sister flew into DC to stay with us for a few weeks, and I learned a lot about the things that have stuck and the things that have been watered down by their access to society and the media. And, because I'm Scoot, I've made a list. I'll refer to my sister as AR. She's thirteen.
Seven things I noticed while living with my Pentecostal sister.
- They've been so brainwashed, that they believe other normal things are going to brainwash them.
2. She couldn't give any shits about fashion.
Seriously, neither girl cares. AR doesn't mind her skirts or the fact that she can't wear tank tops. It does not matter to her. She thinks make up and jewelry are unnecessary. The only thing she wants to do is cut her hair and dye it.
3. Virginity actually matters a lot. To them, at least.
AR uses the word "slut" to describe other girls, a lot. I've talked to her about this, about how not everyone has the same set of values or puts as much stock into them as Mom and Dad have taught them to. I've told her that one day, those things may not matter to her anymore either, and she may start looking at those other girls with a new set of eyes. I can only hope, anyway.
4. Our little brother runs the house, and knows it.
He's ten, and has a penis. This means he gets special treatment from Mom because he's the baby, and special treatment from Dad because he possesses a dick. Dad is the head of the family and everything goes through him before it happens. He has a bad habit of telling Mom not to do things or correcting her in front of the kids, and that has put a potentially bad image into Little Bro's head. I hope he doesn't grow up thinking he owns the world simply because of the gender he was assigned at birth. And, if he does, I hope someone has the sense to put him in his place and stop him from doing something awful to some woman somewhere. If not, God help us all.
5. Napping is a vacation.
My parents are not just involved in the church, Dad's a pastor. This means running all over the place setting things up and preaching in different places. They are expected to be everywhere, having their hands in everything. That equals little downtime for anyone. We haven't changed up our normal routine for AR's trip, and that's how she wants it. She wants to nap, she wants to hang out, she wants to watch television. She's seen all the sights in DC, she just wants some quiet away from the other two kids and the church. I am one hundred percent down with that.
6. She can blend in anywhere.
They go to new places so often that this kid can literally slip right into any group of people like she belongs there. She walked into a house full of nerds when she got off the plane since it was Saturday, and Saturdays are DND days. It didn't bother her a bit; she called me a nerd and then sat down to watch Star Trek with us.
7. She can spot a fake or bad person from a mile away.
I'm for real. She just knows when someone's no good. I don't know if this comes from watching people lie their way through church or is just something she was born with, but she knows who's full of shit and who's legit.
I don't know who she'll be when she gets older, but I think she'll be alright.
xoxo, Scoot
(P.S. There are good Pentecostals, just as there are good Christians. But, that doesn't make their thought process any less crazy.)
